Smoke 'Em If You Can Afford 'Em

BR: "Ah never did take up smokin'. Didn' have 'nuf munney. Ah could either smoke 'er bahy gas. Ah could spind fahyve dollers on gas 'er three packsa sigrettes. Ehhhh... Ah had more fun drahyvin' so Ah never started. Ah prolly smoked three in mah whole lahyf.

Ah got this friend thet smokes a lot. He spinds so much munney on sigrettes -- $22.83 A DAY. Thet's a whole lotta munney. Ah tell 'im, 'Go out to the ceeder tree, git a peese 'a thet bark, a peese 'a newspaper 'n roll it up 'n smoke it.' Tastes the same. Jus' as gud fer ya' too."

Let's do some quick math, shall we? Assuming a cost of about $4/pack, that's nearly six packs of cigarettes per day. I imagine that a hard-core smoker like that would sleep a measly six hours per night, so that leaves a mere 18 hours of quality smoking time. At 20 class-A cigarettes per pack, we're talking 120 smokes every 18 hours, or nearly 7 cigarettes per hour. For the sake of argument, we'll pare it down to six, or one cigarette every ten minutes. And that's EVERY ten minutes. Where can you get a job that allows you to smoke EVERY ten minutes and pays you enough money to have $8333 of disposable income to spend on cigarettes? Wherever it is, I hope his health care benefits are AMAZING...