Friday, February 29, 2008

The Tribe Has Spoken

BR: "O'Bahma sez he's gunna change the Middul East. Ah'd lahyke to know how he's gunna do that. Prolly become a Muzlum 'gain. Who's that Muzlum big wig? Ah ferget his name, but he 'n his trahybe came out 'n indorsed O'Hahma [sic]. That gahy ain't never indorsed no one before. When thay asked him wye he indorsed O'Bahma, he didn't have an answer. Sumthin's fishy there.

All's Ah kin say is, Ah didn' vote fer him 'n Ah tole yew so."

Friday, February 22, 2008

No Crime, No Time

BR: "Mah vizhun is this: if yer illeegul 'n yew stay below the vizhun levul, thay ain't gunna come lookin' fer yew. But if yer gunna commit a crahyme, a' corse thay're gunna getcha! 'N thay shud!

But if yer an illegul 'n commit a crayhme, yew ain't subject to the same typa justis that a sitizen is. It's lahyke thay're tryin' to make illeeguls an eshelon 'bove people that're here leegully. It's diplomatik 'mmunity. But if yew don't commit no crahyme, yew ain't got nuthin' to worry 'bout."

Thank you Johnny Cochran.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

If Wishes Were Horses...

...then I could ride the crack-addled pony that IS his thought process...

BR: "Looks lahyke ole Romney's callin' it quits. That makes it real easy. Yeah, it's gunna be McCain as presuhdint 'n Huckuhbee on as vahyce presuhdint. McCain didn' carry the south, so Huckuhbee's gunna git it fer him. That'll be a good ticket.

Ah sure hope they abolish the IRS. All thay gotta do is pass it 'n that'll be that. Save a buncha munney. Won' hafta give out them rebates to them people on welfare no more. Then we can give laptop computers to everyone that goes'da school. That'd be gud."

Yes, indeed. All they have to do is pass it. Get rid of those pesky taxes. Can't imagine anything the federal government might need money for...

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Bounce Goes The Check

BR: "The only tahyme Ah ever had insuffishent funds wuz that tahyme mah wahyfe didn't deposit mah check for four weeks. Ah never worried 'bout checkin' mah balince cuz Ah knew how much munney wuz in thar. But she didn' deposit that check, so Ah wuz bust. Needless to say, Ah wuz a little upset.

The real bummer wuz that Ah bounced a twilve doller check. Then the store charged me fayhve dollers fer insuffishent funds 'n then the bank charged me twinney-fahyve dollers. They inded up sendin' a collekshun agency that charged fifty dollers in collekshun fees. So a twilve doller bounced check cost me eighty 'er ninney dollers. Needless to say, Ah don' let her handul mah munney no more. Got mah own account. Heh. Two diffrent accounts, two diffrent banks. Heh."